Distance is a bad excuse for not having a good relationship with somebody. It’s the determination to keep it going or let it fall by the wayside; that’s the real reason that the relationships continue. -James McAvoy
Sometimes in relationships unintentionally we create distance between one another. Things like children, finances, careers and so many other external factors get in the way. Real change requires real change, if we want our relationships to work we must be intentional in making things work and not letting things fall by the wayside. Find out how to decrease the distance and enhance your relationship.
LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER
Even if you have known your mate for many years it’s still super important to continue to learn more about them. As we grow, we learn (hopefully) and we change. Just as you continue to evolve so can that special person in your life. Yes, there are somethings that are and will always stay the same about us. It helps to remain curious about your partner. When we start taking them or who they are for granted that can cause a breakdown. You don’t have to break out to a 20 questions game or ask all at once but it does mean you have to communicate. Ask, you may find out something you didn’t know.
BE ON THE SAME TIMELINE
Part of being a happy couple is being on the same timeline. If people are going in two different directions yes, you guessed it they will end up in two different places. It’s quite possible they could end up at the same place but at different times. Take time to sit down and talk about what your plans are and where you see yourself in the next few years. Even if you are pursuing different paths see if there is a way that they can meet up or intersect.
Timeline questions starters:
Who do you want to have in your support system?
What do you two want to be doing?
Where do you want to be financially?
Where do you two want to be living?
Where do you two want to be in relation to one another?
DONT JUST TALK ABOUT GROWNUP STUFF
Have fun. You can have couples games night. Don’t just talk about the bills, responsibilities and task. Take moments and get silly with one another. Share laughs, do things together and enjoy one another’s company. If two people only come together to discuss the facts, responsibilities and nothing more life and the relationship can get pretty boring. Mix it up a bit, that closeness that you develop can help you in other aspects of the relationship. That humor can serve as another layer of defense against the breakdown of the relationship.
DONT HOLD GRUDGES
This section could have been titled let it go. Yes, things have and will happen in relationships. By letting go and not holding onto things forever it is a wonderful way to move forward. It’s not so simple for some of us to let go of grudges. Consider this, not letting go could cost you a whole lot more like your relationship. Just like how we would not like someone to follow us around pointing out all of our past failures its helpful to not do that to our mate. When we practice moving forward and not holding grudges we free ourselves up for new opportunities and new connections with our significant other.
Ask yourself these questions at the next disagreement:
Will this matter in the next 6 months?
Will this matter in the next 10 years?
What would I tell a friend to do in this situation?
Experience this kind of personal growth by contacting us at @ FHC.
Flourishing Hope Counseling PLLC is a Kingsville, Texas Private Practice.
Photo above by: Angel M. Hoodye