We repeat what we don’t repair. ~Christine Langley-Obaugh
You don’t have to continue to go through the same troubles learn cool ways to bust those troubles. When we practice addressing the problems that are happening we are doing something healthy. Some people shy away from facing the issue and before you know it things have gotten way out of control. Problem-solving skills help people to feel better about themselves. It also helps to prevent that yucky feeling on the inside. When we repair the conflict we are less likely to repeat the same issue. If by chance you must repeat the issue you will have the problem-solving skills in your pocket to help you along way.
What to do to problem solve:
Determine if it’s a big deal or not
Before you jump in the ring ready to throw down evaluate the potential conflict. Determine if this is something you really need to handle. It could be something that you can move on from without extra concern. Sometimes people overreact (no big secret there). You may feel like it’s a really big deal but is it really? That’s why practicing the pause can help a lot. If you feel like the issue must be addressed due it with care. Come with solutions not just finger pointing and attitude.
Practice being assertive
I have said this 100k plus times, and it’s still true. We teach people how to treat us. Being assertive about a situation does not mean being aggressive. It does mean asserting (declaring) your feelings, thoughts and wants. Sharing your needs or concerns with others is healthy. You set the tone for the day. You set the tempo. Even if the person or situation you are in conflict with gets a little rowdy you can control your response. to the situation. You make the difference. Click To Tweet
Helpful expressions to assert:
- I want
- I feel
- I need
- Stay away from pointing and saying you. This does not help the communication or process.
Find a compromise
When conflict arises find ways to move towards solutions. Resolve the conflict, don’t repeat. When there is an issue think of solutions where both parties win. If it’s an heart and mind issue personally for you take a break. After your break explore possible solutions and ways to make peace with the situation. Staying stuck will get you nowhere. It is so much easier to think about the problem instead of what could go right. Of course, it’s not easy, but when you make a shift towards positivity your life will improve. Consider what can go right. Explore options, rather than obstacles. Click To Tweet
After you look over the situation and evaluate it from several angles (not just your own) if you find that you are in the wrong apologize. Don’t be afraid to say I’m sorry. A simple “I was wrong, my fault or my bad” can change everything. Own up to your stuff. Even the greatest people fall short. No one is without blemish. This doesn’t mean you are less of a person, a mistake happened. When we own up and apologize that is maturity. Ownership of mistakes makes room for growth. You can mend relationships, reconnect and grow as a person.
Benefits of using skills to resolve conflicts:
- Feel more in tune with yourself and those around you
- More likely to cease the opportunity to address issues successfully
- No longer feel overlooked and discounted
- Receive the help you need
- Feel more in control of your life
- Decreased feelings of anxiousness when conflict arises
- Ability to explore options
- Increased skills to process and successfully address the concerns
- Situations that once seemed larger can be broken down and handled with grace.
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Flourishing Hope Counseling PLLC is a Kingsville, Texas Private Practice.