For some people the idea of being kind to themselves is very difficult. Putting themselves first seems and feels utterly wrong. Asking for help or saying something is an option they would never consider. Many people feel awkward about giving themselves permission to be real. Doing anything good for themselves feels very uncomfortable. Having self-compassion can be a wonderful way of being kind to yourself. In simple terms it means giving yourself grace to be human. Learning to accept yourself can transform your whole life. Read on to discover signs and symptoms of low self-compassion. Unlock some of the many benefits that happen when you start to improve your self-compassion.
SIGNS OF LOW SELF-COMPASSION
Having an intense fear of failures
People with low self-compassion may experience an intense fear of failure. Often people describe this feeling as being stuck. The fear of failure has stunted their way of thinking and living. This also prevents them from making healthy progress. This area of low self-compassion prevents the person from reaching their greatest potential. Trying something new like a taking a different job, wearing a different color or trying a new food are only a few of things someone struggling with self-compassion concerns may be afraid to do. It connects with the idea of being paralyzed by perfection. This perfection and avoidance of failure is not really living but just existing.
Believing your way of thinking is always right
Having a healthy sense of self is one thing. Believing that your way is the one and only right way to do things is not healthy. Actually it’s quite wrong, if we’re being honest. No one is right all the time. This kind of thinking can be very troublesome for everyone involved. This belief prevents an opportunity to learn from others. It isolates the person thinking these unhealthy thoughts. It is unkind. It breakdowns relationships and destroys communication. It stops a person from growing. A person with low self-compassion is not able to show compassion to others in it’s best fashion.
Not being able to shake the mistake
Another low self-compassion behavior is thinking about past failures constantly. Thinking about mistakes or missteps continuously does something really negative to your self-compassion level. For example constantly thinking about a mistake you made in 2nd grade or something more recent like a conversation you had with someone this week that didn’t go well and not being able to let it go. So you find yourself thinking about day and night. Holding onto past failures is an act of low self-compassion. Not allowing yourself room to make mistakes or fall creates great difficulty. Part of learning is failure.
All or nothing thinking
This type of thinking is sometimes referred to as black or white thinking. When you view yourself and your life in this way you leave no room for growth and positive changes. Viewing yourself and situations this way hides you from experiencing a more fulfilling life. This all or nothing thinking prevents so much goodness from coming your way. The act of low self-compassion puts a block between you and progress. It’s all about perspective, changing your view so that you can change your reality.
Holding the idea that nothing is ever good enough
Having standards is one thing; having unrealistic expectations is a beast. When we have expectations for ourselves it can help us to move forward and make healthy changes. If you never find a sense of completion or satisfaction it destroys the motivation to continue. This act of low self-compassion tears away all of the goodness that has been achieved. It creates a sense of never being satisfied.
The quality of your life improves when you practice having more self-compassion. The idea of being kind to yourself can feel uncomfortable in the beginning so I want share a few ideas people sometimes get confused with self-compassion. It can be seen as making excuses for yourself. Allowing yourself a bit of grace in your life does not mean you are making excuses. It’s giving yourself room for blunders and boo boos. Sometimes self-compassion gets mixed up with self-indulgence. Self-compassion can be a way of gifting to yourself, the gift of grace and room make a mistake. There is a time to eat cake and a time to say no thanks (quick inside note -I love cake). It important to know it is okay to be good to yourself. Self-pity can also be confused with self-compassion. Self-compassion is acknowledging that sometimes you may experience a bit of misfortune. It’s all about perspective.
Benefits of having self compassion are:
- More happiness
- Increased feelings of wholeness
- Ability to be more optimistic
- Higher levels of thankfulness
- Improved view of self and others
- Able to handle difficulties with more composure
- Improved self confidence
- More stability in life
- Able to adjust and adapt to changes
- View yourself in a more positive light.
Becoming more self-compassionate takes time. Learning to be more kind to yourself takes practice. My hope for you is to be encouraged to have more patience with yourself as you grow your self-compassion. Remember whatever we practice we become. Now is the time to start practicing healthy habits. Having self-compassion is a wonderful thing and you deserve the best!
Action step (Don’t just talk about it be about it)
Choose one of the low self-compassion ways of thinking/living that you have been doing and practice doing the opposite. Every time you catch yourself thinking or acting in that manner correct it. Let’s start creating healthy habits for progress and growth.
Experience this kind of personal growth by contacting us at @ FHC.
Flourishing Hope Counseling PLLC is a Kingsville, Texas Private Practice.