Being different in many ways is such a plus to relationships. Often it seems like people feel you must be exactly alike in-order for things to go great. However, I have found great results from couples that are different. Learning how you complement each other in many aspects of life is a must. This is true even in the financial (money management) part of life. Discovering ways to successfully knock out those financial problems that sometimes creep in for couples is a must.
How You Win as a Couple at Home and in the Bank
When partners in a marriage join forces to address the financial parts of having a life together they set a great foundation for other areas to be strengthened. The respect and appreciation for each other grows. Naturally the trust will increase. The ability to have more stability and security grows. Emotionally a person can feel freer to be themselves when they see that their basic needs are being met. When couples tackle money matters together it helps on so many levels. Working together to solve money matter instead of a part can build that teamwork mindset needed for couples to succeed. Coming together for money matters can be a chance to learn how to join as a team in a whole new way. The couple gets a chance to have a brighter future financially. These are all great qualities of a healthy marriage. One of the biggest benefits for couples that handle money management together is that they can have discussions instead of arguments about money.
1. Not Accepting Your Own Money Management Style
Before we get too deep into the whole money management game we must stop and check ourselves before we wreck ourselves (oh yes I went there). You won’t only wreck yourself but a whole heap of other things. When we don’t stop and take ownership of who we are and how we personally manage money things can get totally out of control. Naturally if we are honest with ourselves it things can get a whole lot better. Part of things improving is taking ownership of who we are in the money problems. The key point here is to be honest with yourself. Whatever type of money manager you are own it. If you are a spender own it! If you are a saver own it!
2. Different ways of relating to money
Whenever two people come together they bring their own past, expectations, hopes and dreams into the relationship. They also bring their spending habits, debt(s) and their way of relating to money. These different areas can be very much alike or very different. When people have different ways of money management it can cause many difficulties. One person may view money as a tool to gain things and help them. The other person may view money as something that has caused a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s important to know early so that you can adjust. Being different is not a negative thing. It is something to we can learn to adapt and adjust.
3. Different levels of comfort with financial debt
When it comes to food you and your partner may have different likes and dislikes. The same thing can be true when it comes to your responses to debt. One person may not be at all alarmed if an unexpected expense prompts the couple to use the credit card to cover a purchase. The other person may not want to use the credit card for only major expenses. Each person in the relationship may have a different level of comfort when it comes to debt.
4. Being different types of money managers?
Knowing you and your partners’ money management style is key. It’s a great step towards a healthy financial road for success. Let’s keep things simple and consider two types of money managers. There is the spender and the saver. In a relationship there can be a few combinations. As the eternal optimist that I am it’s fair to say that both have their advantages. Neither one is completely good or bad. Each money manager serves a purpose. Knowing you and yours partners’ money management style will help you to relate to one another better. It will also help you to understand how and why the finances are the way they are.
Types of money management combinations
Spenders + Spender
Saver + Saver
Spender + Saver
Make more purchases
May have more stuff
More likely to use credit as a buying option
Tend to rely on the saver for financial management support
More likely to impulse buy
Spend money more leisurely
Relate to money in a more relaxed state
Make fewer purchases
More likely to have a rainy day fund
Looks at money from a long-term stance
Sometimes waits to long to make purchases and then the items are no longer available
More likely to have buyers’ remorse
Weigh the options more frequently before making a purchase
Relate to money in a more rigid way
5. Not working together
When couples are against one another things don’t work together. Couples that do not actively work together to address money matters struggle more financial. Yes, you guessed it! Teamwork makes the dream work. Not talking about it or hiding spending will not fix it either. When a person spends time understanding how their partners spending habits can be helpful to the relationship things can improve. Talking about money, not arguing about money can turn things around. Respecting one another differences can go a long way. It is super important to work together to accomplish financial goals. You must be on the same page.
6. Not Accepting Your Partners Money Management Style
When it comes to money management partners that do not accept each other’s money management style argue about finances more. Your money management style is yours. Their money management style is theirs. Holding rigidly to only your money management style can make it extremely hard to move forward. Not being able to bend and compromise makes it a heck of a lot harder to make progress together. You do not have to make the person turn into an exact copy of you. You do have to work at accepting each other’s’ style and working together. The key here is coming together and finding solutions. If both people are fighting to get your point across it makes it hard to make progress.
BONUS: Separate Pockets
Having a what’s yours is yours and a what’s mine is mine attitude. This is a huge break down between couples. When people are not united in the money management process things can go horribly wrong. Couples that split bills is one thing. Couples that live separate lives financially all together is a whole other story and it’s not a good story. If you are choosing to become one then money is included in the equation. Their money + your money = yall’s money (I’m a Texan). Come together and have a joint goal of money management.
Talk about it and talk about it some more. Talking about money doesn’t have to be a horrible issue between couples. Learning to work together and accept each other’s differences can really balance things out. When you know yours and your partners money management style you can come together as a team and really accomplish amazing financial goals. In the next few weeks I will share with you possible options to start successfully handling couple money management issues. Stay tuned!
Discussion questions for you and your partner:
What is your money management style?
How does it help us as a couple?
What is one thing we can do to start improving things?
Experience this kind of personal growth by contacting us at @ 361.355.5558 or FHC.
Flourishing Hope Counseling PLLC is a Kingsville, Texas Private Practice