Before the Boom Stopping the Anger Cycle

Flourishing Hope Anger


“Be careful with your words. Once they are said they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.”- Sarah Doubts


Benefits of not exploding

When we stop exploding and start exploring things can get a whole lot better. Anger is the secondary emotion to an underlined feeling. There may be other emotions like hurt, jealousy, frustration and disappointment that are hidden below the surface of anger. When we stop exploding a major shift can happen, in a positive way. Many times people express anger when they feel powerless. The direct contrast to being explosive is to feel powerful.


            Positive changes that happen when people don’t explode:
  • Feel an overall sense of confidence
  • Improve their relationships with others
  • Better interactions with others
  • Receive appreciation instead of rejection
  • Less guilt
  • Increase their sense of power
  • Become more proud of themselves
  • Not feeling regret from the things they’ve said or done
  • Increase their awareness
  • Greater communication skills
  • Less stress

Flourishing Hope Anger Cycle


How to Stop the Anger Cycle


Become more aware

Having more awareness can help you respond to a difficult situation better. When we have awareness we open the door to insight and possibilities. We can become proactive instead of reactive to the situations around us. The next time you experience anger consider the thoughts that you are having. Are they positive thoughts or negative thoughts? Examine your feelings, are the feelings of worry and fear or something else? We can’t leave out your actions (behaviors). Our actions are connected to our thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. A great way to practice awareness is to pause and check. Scan your feelings related to the situation. Explore where the sensation of anger is physically inside of you. Sometimes when we are stressed or angry we hold our tension in our shoulders and neck. Review what is happening in the situation from several different angles and not just your own. Explore the feelings that are happening and where they are coming from. Think before you act. Choose your behavior wisely. Try to consider a few helpful solutions before you respond. This awareness can help you choose how you respond.


Label the feeling

If you find that you are becoming angry, stop and label the true underlined feeling. Instead of just saying “I am mad”, dig deeper and find out what is under the anger. Ask yourself what is my real feeling? Explore your true emotions. Once you are able to label that feeling use that word instead of angry. You may discover that there are a number of feelings tucked away quite nicely under the disguise of anger. People often mistake feeling embarrassed, disappointment, frustration, fearful, grief, being overwhelmed and helpless for anger. Once we identify what the underlined feeling is to try and find helpful ways to resolve the issue. Labeling helps you to better understand the underlined concern. Labeling can also be helpful in communication when having a discussion with someone. You can use the words and I statements to help improve the communication. “I feel sad.” “I feel worried.” I am afraid.” These points in conversation can share your concerns without pointing fingers and help the person to better understand your stance about a situation. It can also be helpful when talking with someone that is angry. Pause and ask yourself “What might be causing this person to respond in such an angry way.” This may help you to respond with compassion instead of anger or defense.


Consider solutions before exploding

Instead of just flying off the handle consider solutions to what you have been feeling. There are answers to the problems you are experiencing. Once you know what you are truly feeling you can start making progress to turn things around. After the triggering event practice the awareness skills and the labeling. Then choose a healthy behavior. This all takes practice and patience.


Take action before the boom

After you have become more aware, labeled your feeling and come up with a few solutions it’s time to take action. Stuffing the feeling down and not doing anything or exploding just won’t do.


Solutions to try when you are feeling anger:

  • Find a support system
  • Say something (have a talk and work it out)
  • Do something (go for a walk, talk with a friend, sip some tea)
  • Find help to improve things
  • Have several seats (wait it out for a minute, day or two and see what develops)
  • Ask yourself
    • Will this matter in the next 4 weeks
    • Will this matter in the next 4 months
    • Will this matter in the next 4 years
  • Call on your squad (run the issue by someone you trust)
  • Remember that you have a direct impact on the outcome negative or positive.

Experience this kind of personal growth by contacting us at @ 361.355.5558 or FHC.

Flourishing Hope Counseling PLLC is a Kingsville, Texas Private Practice


Photo above “KaboomBy: Daniel Miller, is licensed under (CC BY-NC 2.0)