This list of narcissistic behaviors is here to share with you possible narcissistic tactics. No narcissist is the same as another. Although you will find several behaviors that are similar, there will be behaviors they will and will not do.
Narcissists are highly manipulative people. Because of their deeply rooted insecurities, they manipulate situations to support their best interest alone. Their intense discomfort with vulnerability causes them to behave very negatively. To avoid shame and responsibility narcissists will resort to the lowest of the low to get what they want.
How Narcissists Manipulate
Ambiguity
Some narcissist will keep their intentions unclear to keep you off balance. For example, they may be vague about the status of the relationship or their future plans, causing you to continually guess and adjust your behaviors to align with what you think they want.
Broken promises
The narcissist will make promises they do not keep. You may experience this type of manipulation after or during a breakup or pending divorce. Narcissists may also have made promises in the early stages of the relationship or connection with them that never happened. The broken promises level you holding out hope that whatever the promised with happen, stop or come true except it does not.
Blameshifting
Shifting the blame is a way for a narcissist to avoid responsibility and consequences. They will shift blame away from them and onto you, someone else, or anything that is not them. Avoiding accountability by blaming the victim for the manipulator’s actions. Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions and instead shift the blame to their victim or others, making it difficult for the victim to address issues within the relationship. For instance, if confronted about hurtful behavior, the manipulator claims it wouldn’t have happened if the victim hadn’t provoked them.
Breadcrumbing
Offering sporadic acts of kindness or moments of affection to keep the victim hopeful for a change, ensuring their continued commitment to the relationship. Providing minimal positive reinforcement or attention to keep someone’s hope alive, is often used to maintain control or interest without commitment.
Comparison
Comparison is done to make you jealous. The narcissist does this to make you feel inadequate. The narcissist will compare you to someone in a negative manner. Narcissists will also compare you in a positive way to increase your connection to them. This behavior strengthens your connection to the narcissist. This type of manipulation is later used against you. Comparing also happens in the triangulation part of narcissistic manipulation. It is another opportunity for the narcissist to create chaos and not take responsibility.
Competition
Narcissists are secretly in competition with you even when you do not know it. Because of their high levels of insecurity, they see your accomplishments as threats. There is a sense that they are not truly happy for you. Do not be surprised if they try to one-up you.
Criticism
To keep you trapped in the cycle of narcissistic abuse narcissists will criticize you. They do not feel good about themselves. The criticism will keep you stuck and make you doubt yourself. This makes it difficult for survivors to trust themselves and make progress.
Chronic Undermining
Some narcissists will systematically devaluing your ideas, appearance, or contributions, often in subtle, hard-to-detect ways. They might casually dismiss your suggestions at work or at home, subtly eroding your confidence over time.
Denial
The narcissist will deny, deny, and deny. Even if you have video or screenshots with their picture in the image they will not be honest.
Destroying Physical Property
A form of intimidation and control, this tactic involves damaging or destroying items the victim cares about. Targeting objects a person loves as a form of punishment or to instill fear.
Devaluation
After an initial period of idealization, the manipulator starts to devalue their victim, criticizing or belittling them to make them feel worthless.
Drama and conflict creation
Narcissists will randomly create a conflict. To avoid the true issues they deflect by creating a problem. It is another method of sabotage.
Divide and Conquer
Driving a wedge between you and other people in your life by spreading misinformation or creating misunderstandings, thus ensuring that they remain the most influential person in your life.
Emotional Blackmail
They will use your feelings as a way to control your behavior. Narcissists do this to get you to see their way.
Exploitation
Narcissists are self-serving. This means they will take advantage of you and other people to get what they want out of situations.
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Utilizing “flying monkeys” enlisting others to support their narrative and turn against the victim, often by spreading rumors or lies.
False Confessions
Admitting to something they haven’t actually done to distract from their real actions or to gain sympathy is another manipulation tactic used by narcissists. They might confess to a minor wrongdoing while hiding a much larger betrayal.
Future faking
The name says it all. Future faking happens when narcissists fake a future. The narcissist will tell you about what type of future they want to have with you and ultimately for themselves. They may also talk about plans that include you. Examples, where future faking is common, are talking about marriage, children, career opportunities, moving, financial plans, and more. Anything related to the future gives you a sense of hope for a future with the narcissist.
Financial Abuse
This happens when the narcissist controls your access to money or resources, making you financially dependent. This might involve taking over your bank accounts, restricting your spending, or sabotaging your work opportunities.
Gaslighting
The narcissist will behave in a manner that makes you question your reality. It increases your doubt and your sanity. It is also common to feel like you are losing your memory and your mind. They will use lying and misinformation to gaslight you.
Gaslighting by Proxy
Gaslighting by proxy happens when a narcissist uses others to help convince you that you are the problem, thereby isolating you from support. For instance, they might tell friends or family a different story about an argument, leading those people to question your sanity or truthfulness.
Generalizations
Using vague statements that cannot be argued against effectively, makes the victim feel they are always in the wrong. Using broad, negative statements about someone’s character or behavior to undermine them.
Going to Counseling
Some narcissists will go to counseling in an attempt to fake commitment, and change behavior. It will be a performative act. Going to counseling for the show gets into deep waters of deception and lies. Counseling for narcissists can be a transformative experience. It will also be another tool for doing their manipulative behaviors with more language and tact. Counseling in these circumstances has the potential to be weaponized against you. If you are considering couples counseling, you must read this first.
Ghosting
Suddenly cutting off all communication without explanation, leaves the victim confused and hurt.
Guilt-tripping
Narcissists will try to make you feel guilty. This passive-aggressive behavior is done to discourage you from doing things they do not want from you. They guilt trip people to manipulate them into behaving in ways that work to their advantage.
Hoovering
Named after the vacuum cleaner, hoovering is when a narcissist tries to “suck” their victim back into a relationship after a breakup or a period of separation. This often involves making promises to change or manipulative gestures of affection. For example, an ex-partner suddenly proclaiming they’ve changed for the better, right when you’re starting to move on.
Invalidation
The narcissist will devalue your needs and wants. Their concerns are their top priority for them. This means they will ignore, dismiss, and invalidate what is important to you.
Induced Dependency
Induced dependency happens when the narcissist makes you feel as though you cannot function without them, often by undermining your confidence or decision-making ability. They might repeatedly criticize your abilities in subtle ways, suggesting you’re incapable of managing life alone.
Isolation
A narcissist may attempt to isolate their victim from friends, family, and support networks, making the victim more dependent on the narcissist and easier to control. Cutting someone off from their support network makes them more dependent on the manipulator. This can manifest as a partner criticizing your friends and family and discouraging you from seeing them.
Love Bombing
This tactic involves overwhelming someone with affectionate, actions, compliments, finances, and promises for the future to gain their trust and affection quickly. It’s a manipulation technique to win over someone’s heart. For instance, someone might bombard you with gifts, compliments, and promises very early in a relationship to win over your trust and affection rapidly.
Minimization
To avoid shame or any uncomfortable situation narcissists will minimize their actions. They will act as if what they have done or said is not a big deal, even if it hurts you.
Mirroring
This happens when the narcissist adapts to your likes, dislikes, and personality traits early in the relationship to appear as the perfect partner. For example, if you mention loving classical music, they might suddenly claim it’s their favorite too, even buying tickets to a concert to strengthen the bond.
Maximizing
Making a situation larger than its true level is a common manipulation tactic of narcissists. Maximizing or blowing a situation out of proportion is another manipulation tactic used by narcissists to avoid accountability and responsibility.
This method of manipulation is another way issues with the narcissist go unresolved. You can expect to experience maximization when it involves something related to you. The narcissist will diminish their part of ownership but magnify your part. It’s a big deal when it comes to you but a tiny issue when it comes to them.
Negative humor
Similar to criticism narcissists will make unkind comments. They will use sarcastic statements to make you feel inferior. They may make jokes at your expense in an attempt to make you less secure.
Overwhelming with Procedures and Red Tape
In situations where they have some control, like shared responsibilities or legal matters, they might bombard you with unnecessary procedures, paperwork, or bureaucratic hurdles to exhaust you and make you less likely to assert your rights or needs.
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Playing the Victim
Narcissists often claim they’re the real victims to deflect blame and gain sympathy. An example is when a person blames their infidelity on their partner’s supposed lack of attention. Many narcissists want to position themselves in the victim space. They do this to exploit the kind nature of others. Narcissists often play the victim to gain sympathy and manipulate others. They twist stories and situations to make themselves appear as the aggrieved party, deflecting blame and responsibility. Narcissists bank on the nurturing, empathy, and compassion of others to work in their favor. Victimhood is also displayed during the D.A.R.V.O. conflict and communication with the narcissist.
Projection
Narcissistic projection is a defense mechanism. It is also a manipulation tactic sometimes used by narcissist to deflect from their inadequacies and issues. Narcissists will project these unwanted parts of themselves onto someone else, accusing them of having the very issues they are trying to deny within themselves. This leads to confusion and emotional pain for those on the receiving end, as they are unfairly blamed for the narcissist’s own struggles or shortcomings.
Pretend Ignorance
Playing dumb or pretending they don’t understand what their victims want or need from them, as a way to frustrate the person and avoid responsibility. For instance, you might ask them to handle a task, and they’ll claim they thought you meant something else to avoid doing it.
Pushing buttons
Provoking you intentionally is done to agitate you. The narcissist will push your buttons to increase your insecurities and your vulnerabilities.
Rage
Narcissistic rage is intense. Often the explosive emotional reaction that occurs when a narcissist feels threatened or perceives an attack on their self-esteem or self-worth. Unlike typical anger, narcissistic rage is unbalanced to the situation and is rooted in deep-seated fear and insecurity.
Examples of this is you may see narcissistic rage by way of verbal attacks, physical aggression, or passive-aggressive behaviors. They do this to protect their fragile ego, redirect from the area of focus and to insight fear in others.
Reactive Abuse
Some narcissist will provoke their victims until they react emotionally or angrily, then use their reaction to label them as the unstable one. For example, they might push your buttons relentlessly until you snap and yell, then tell others that you have anger issues.
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Scapegoating
This is when the narcissist will blame the partner or someone else rather than take responsibility for the issues. When the narcissist scapegoats someone else they avoid accountability, shame, responsibility, and consequences. They are also able to maintain the manipulative behavior that supports their goals.
Shaming
This involves criticizing or demeaning the victim, often in subtle ways, to erode their self-esteem and make them more submissive and less likely to challenge the narcissist. Making someone feel inferior through criticism or mockery, often about deeply personal subjects, erodes their self-esteem.
Shifting Goalposts
The rules and expectations in the relationship constantly change, making it impossible for the victim to feel secure or successful within the relationship. Additionally, it relates to the narcissist continuously changing expectations or requirements so that the victim can never meet them or feel stable within the relationship.
Setup for failure
Narcissists will sometimes create situations where you are more likely to fail. In the setup, if you fail the narcissist will blame, shame, or criticize you. Narcissists set you up for failure at times to keep you trapped. If your confidence is low and you are not able to accomplish your goals, you are less like to leave. The narcissist can maintain power and control over you in these circumstances.
Silent treatment
This is when the narcissist goes silent. The narcissist may not tell you why they are giving you the silent treatment. They also do this to get a reaction out of you and punish you. The silent treatment allows the narcissist to again avoid whatever undesirable outcome they want without consequences. This type of manipulation also prevents you from moving forward. The silent treatment is another way narcissists attempt to maintain power and control.
Smear campaigns
This is when the narcissist makes dishonest, damaging statements about you, your actions, and your character. This frequently happens early into the relationship with you knowing. Many times, the smear campaign continues after the initial stages to support the narrative the narcissist has created. You can also expect this type of behavior to resurface during a breakup, discard, divorce, or additional types of separation as well as disagreements.
Stalking
Persistently watching, following, or contacting someone against their wishes, making them feel monitored or unsafe. This can be physical or digital. It’s a form of harassment where the narcissist refuses to respect boundaries and insists on being omnipresent in the victim’s life.
Stonewalling
Narcissists will choose to stonewall as a way to command control. Stonewalling is when the narcissist refuses to communicate with you. They may refuse to listen to you and your concerns. This happens a lot in arguments with the narcissist but can also happen when there is no conflict.
Threats
Making overt or covert threats against the victim or their loved ones to ensure compliance or prevent them from leaving the relationship. Using verbal or non-verbal cues to instill fear or compliance, such as threats of harm or revealing secrets.
Throwing tantrums
Narcissists have an arrested developmental delay issue. This happens in the early stages of their development. They are more likely to throw tantrums when they do not receive what they want. It is common to experience them shouting, damaging property, thrashing, and other rageful behavior. Narcissists do this to intimidate and increase fear. Narcissists also do this to get what they want.
Triangulation
As a way to validate their feelings and actions, the narcissist will use triangulation. Narcissists use triangulation as another manipulation tactic to support their own best interests. The narcissist creates conflicts and discord between the victim and another individual or entity. This helps the narcissist avoid responsibility, accountability, and consequences. Narcissists will also do this to distract from the true issues happening.
Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence is a manipulative tactic often associated with narcissistic behavior, where an individual deliberately feigns inability to perform tasks or fulfill responsibilities they are fully capable of handling. This behavior serves to shift the burden onto others, avoiding accountability and exploiting the goodwill of those around them. As a way to manipulate and avoid narcissist will act as if they are incompetent.
Word Salad
Engaging in confusing and nonsensical conversation to disorient the victim and make them doubt their own sanity or understanding of the situation. Using confusing and unrelated language to avoid answering questions directly, keeps the victim off-balance.
Withholding
Withholding happens when the narcissist refuses to communicate or provide affection or support as a means of punishment or control. For example, they may stop talking to you or withhold intimacy when you do something they don’t approve of, only to resume when they perceive you’ve ‘earned’ it back.
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