What Narcissists Want from Their Victims

Only victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse will understand this interesting question. If you are reading this, you know what it feels like to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and confused by a narcissist. They have attempted to completely drain you. You find yourself asking, “What more do I have to give?” and “What does the narcissist want from me?”

In the journey of healing from trauma and toxic narcissistic relationships, understanding the dizzying dynamics of narcissists is critical.

At its core, narcissistic manipulations are a sinister attack on a person’s soul. The confusion caused by narcissists leaves victims entangled in a web of grief and hopelessness. This blog will help you delve deep into the manipulative mindsets of narcissists. Read to uncover what narcissists want from their victims.

Narcissists Want Control and Power

Narcissists create an environment where their victims feel perpetually under their thumb. The feeling of powerlessness is exhausting. This control is not merely about influencing decisions. It extends to the manipulation of their victims’ thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Narcissists use countless manipulations, such as criticism, breadcrumbing, and gaslighting, to maintain their dominant position. Victims may find themselves walking on eggshells, constantly trying to make the narcissist happy while simultaneously trying to keep the peace.

Your Unconditional Admiration is Kibble to the Narcissist

Narcissists’ deep-seated insecurities drive their need for constant admiration and validation. They often create situations that position them at the center of their victims’ universe, requiring constant praise and attention.
Narcissists will do this by monopolizing conversations and exaggerating achievements. They will also diminish their victims’ successes and strengths.

Believe it or not, because narcissists do not truly like or love themselves, receiving praise and attention from the victim boosts their ego. The admiration feeds into their bottomless pits of cravings for attention. One of the major problems in being with a narcissist is that it’s never enough.

Narcissist Bank on Your Emotional Supply

Emotional supply is one of the central focuses in the narcissist-victim dynamic. Narcissists drain their victims. To go a step further, they drain emotional energy. Constant demands, criticism, manipulations, and leaving victims feeling exhausted are their goals.

When victims are energized instead of exhausted, they have the healthy power to improve their lives. When victims are exhausted, they don’t fight back. Narcissists want to keep their victims in a space of exhaustion to maintain their power.

Isolation is a Tool For Narcissists

Narcissists will use isolation as a tool. They do this in an attempt to weaken their victims. Narcissists want to deplete their victims’ resources. Removing the support system resources and additional outside help protects the narcissist’s best interests. Isolation leaves the victims to be further victimized. The isolation also serves the purpose of keeping the victims captive.

Yep, that trapped feeling many victims talk about is real and common.

They will sometimes criticize friends and family, create conflicts to alienate others, or demand excessive amounts of time and attention.

When a victim does not have additional support, they are less likely to recover. This also leads to feelings of being overwhelmed, exhaustion, powerlessness, and hopelessness. All the emotions and experiences narcissists want their victims to have to preserve the narcissist’s best interest.

Narcissists Want Victims to Erase Their Boundaries

Narcissists often ignore or trample over personal boundaries. They do this to assert their power and control. Narcissists care about what they want only, and nothing more. They DO NOT care about their victims. No matter what they tell them.

Erasing boundaries looks different for each person. Some examples of erased boundaries are disrespecting privacy and making unreasonable demands on the victim’s time.

Narcissists are thrilled when victims have no boundaries. The lack of boundaries provides a chance for the narcissist to fully display their narky nature. Narcissists will take full advantage of a person who does not have boundaries and then blame the victim for allowing the harm. This is NOT the victims’ fault. This type of behavior displays a savage, narcissistic, opportunistic nature. Just imagine the Big Bad Wolf standing over Little Red Riding Hood, salivating as he lunges at her.

Take Your Healthy Power Back

Do not let the narcissist defeat you. Take the information above to support yourself in your healing journey and reclaim your life. Consider options such as counseling, safety planning, boundary setting, and reconnecting with your support system. DO NOT let the narcissist exhaust you. You are NOT responsible for the narcissist’s needs. Understanding these different dynamics is vital for anyone involved in narcissistic abuse recovery.

When you’re ready for steady support that won’t rush you, start here. Take your next step, gently.

We provide online therapy services to adults and couples located in Texas.
If you do not live in Texas or are not ready for therapy yet, we also offer self-guided resources designed to support recovery from narcissistic abuse and trauma wherever you are.