Will the Narcissist Ever “Love” Me Again?

Have you ever caught yourself wondering, “What if they realize what they lost?”
Hoping one day they’ll wake up, return to who they were in the beginning, and finally love you the way you always needed?

This is the ache of fantasized redemption, the hope that maybe, just maybe, the narcissist will change, come back, and finally choose you for real.

If you’re here asking, “Will they ever love me again?”, you are not alone.
And no, you’re not crazy for still missing someone who hurt you. This is not a flaw. It’s the trauma talking. And it’s louder when silence takes their place.

As a professional counselor and fellow survivor of narcissistic abuse, I need you to hear this:

Narcissists don’t “love” the way you do.

What they offer often mimics love but is rooted in control, power, value, and admiration. Their affection is conditional, based on what they can extract, never what they can sustain.

They are transactional, not relational.
If you benefited from any part of the relationship, it was because it still served them. Not because they loved you.

Let’s get honest about why it still feels like they might love you again.

Why You Still Miss Them (Even After Everything)

This pull is not irrational. It’s survival-based. Here’s why it still feels real:

• You were trained to crave their validation — they taught you love was earned.
• There were just enough “good times” to confuse you — narcissistic breadcrumbs feel like a feast when you’re starving.
• The relationship ended without closure — your brain loops, trying to make sense of it.
• Your empathy still wants to believe in their potential — even when their actions have proven otherwise.

This isn’t about weakness. It’s about trauma.
Trauma bonds flood your system with confusion and chemicals that tell you pain is love. It’s not your fault. It’s how your nervous system learned to survive.

What Is Fantasized Redemption, and Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Fantasized Redemption is the longing for them to return changed. To say sorry. To be different. To give you the love they once pretended to offer.

It sounds like:

• “Maybe they just need time to realize how much I meant.”
• “If I could just explain one more time, maybe they’d understand.”
• “They weren’t always like this… maybe they can go back to the beginning version.”

This fantasy is strongest early in no contact. It cushions the grief.
It gives your brain something to hold onto when everything else has collapsed.
But as healing deepens, the grip of that fantasy begins to loosen.

Why the Question Fades as Healing Happens

As your nervous system heals, you begin to reconnect with your clarity, your inner compass.
And something powerful shifts:

• You stop asking how to make them come back.
• You start asking why you ever needed them to.

That’s the birth of self-trust. The return of intuition.
And when peace starts to feel safer than chaos, you evolve.

You no longer want their version of love, not out of bitterness, but because you’re awake now.
You are becoming someone who honors your own safety. Who creates consistency? Who no longer confuses adrenaline for connection.

How to Let Go of Wanting the Narcissist to Love You Again

Letting go isn’t something you force—it’s something you choose over and over. Here’s what helps:

• Name the fantasy — Get honest about what you’re still hoping they’ll become. Notice when your mind replays that story.
• Validate the longing — Of course, you wanted the story to end differently. That dream mattered.
• Ground in reality — Ask: What have their consistent behaviors shown me? Not their apologies. Their patterns.
• Shift the question — Move from “Will they love me again?” to “How can I love myself through this ache?”

Letting go doesn’t mean rejecting your past. It means honoring your present and creating safety where there was once chaos. ß this part, all of this!

Real Questions, Real Answers (FAQ)

Q: Is it normal to still want the narcissist back?

A: Yes. It’s a trauma response, not a character flaw. The emotional, mental, and biochemical hold is real. Don’t shame yourself, and keep moving toward your freedom.

Q: Can a narcissist really change and come back healthy?

A: Sustained, meaningful change is extremely rare. Most return cycles are part of the abuse pattern. I get this question a lot, so I wrote a full blog post on it. You can [read that here].

Q: Why does it hurt more after no contact?

A: Because the illusion is breaking. You’re grieving the fantasy, the potential, the imagined safety. And that grief is real. It’s not just about the narcissist, it’s about the loss of what felt like home.

Q: How long does this pain last?

A: There’s no one answer. It depends on your nervous system, your environment, and your healing support. The pain softens when you turn inward, when you choose to rebuild yourself instead of waiting for them.

You’re Not Too Broken. You’re Awakening.

This ache you feel won’t last forever. The hope of the narcissist loving you again will fade, not because you hardened, but because you softened toward yourself.

You may not believe that yet. But even the fact that you’re here, reading this, means something in that you already know it’s time to come home to yourself.

Every time you choose reality over illusion, you reclaim a part of yourself that was stolen.