Are You in a Toxic Relationship? Don’t Ignore These Red Flags

The question am I in a toxic relationship comes up more than you think. Life is not always like a Hallmark movie (no offense to Hallmark), ending with you running off with the love of your life into the sunset. The good times don’t always out weight the bad. Drop the confusion and become more clear about the quality of your relationship.

As a counselor for 10-plus years, I’ve had my share of talking to people about hookups, breakups, makeups, divorce, infidelity, and a ton of other issues related to relationships. This post will help you to identify if you are headed to the danger zone or in a toxic relationship.

Not Being Accepted

Acceptance is a healthy part of a relationship. It allows you to grow, and feel safe to explore individually and collectively. If you find yourself feeling like you can’t be yourself this is a major red flag. Feeling like you need to change who you are to make the other person happy is unhealthy behavior. Yes, we all change and grow as we build a life with someone. Changing everything about yourself to the point you don’t even recognize yourself is not okay. You don’t have to agree or like everything your part does. Being able to acknowledge each other’s similarities and differences is important. This creates freedom for each of you to be who you are building.

There is No Cooperation

You may have heard the saying teamwork makes the dream work, if you are in a relationship with someone that does not cooperate or work with you equally this is a red flag. No compromise and frequently feeling like the person is against you is a toxic quality. Not having goals that complement a shared future is a major concern.  

Not Being Supported

Having a supportive partner is important for a healthy relationship. Finding out your partner has a hard time supporting you there are some problems in your relationship. If the person lacks patience with you or is not able to encourage you in doing well in life you are in a toxic relationship.

Lack of Honesty

There are different forms of dishonesty lying by omission, completely not telling the truth, and manipulating are a few. If you find yourself in connection with someone like this you are in the danger zone. These are traits of a toxic partner and relationship. Honesty is a foundational piece of a healthy relationship. A relationship built on lies will not last. If it does the quality of the relationship is very poor. The ability to be truthful is at the top of establishing a healthy foundation. If your partner lacks genuineness do not ignore this red flag. This is a poor character trait that can lead to many dangerous areas of life. Do not ignore the little lies. It starts there and has the potential to grow.

You don’t have to figure everything out right now, just choose what feels right to begin.

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Not Being Safe

Not being safe is a huge red flag that cannot be ignored. When you don’t feel safe in the relationship it is time to consider developing an exit strategy. When I say safe I mean more than physical safety. In all forms safety is important. Emotional, mental, physical, and financial safety. This level of vulnerability must be in place to have a healthy relationship.

Sometimes you are not able to leave the relationship due to your circumstances there is still room to explore ways to create more safety for yourself and work to feel less vulnerable to the toxic person and qualities of the relationship. 

Here are key elements for a healthy relationship. Consider this a guide to help you explore the qualities of your relationship.

This is one of the things I find myself sharing quite often with people who are in toxic relationships, where they struggle to make sense of what is happening between their hearts and minds and the person they love. As painful as it is to share this it’s important to know love is not enough. You can not love someone into being a good person. You can’t hope they will change long enough, or do the right amount of things to get the relationship back to where you want it to be by yourself.

If you find that your relationship has even one of these elements it’s time to do some exploration about the quality of your relationship. Examine both the healthy and unhealthy traits for what they truly are to give you a more clear picture. If you are still struggling to decide what is best for you go to counseling. Seeking professional help is a great way to gain clarity about what is best for you.

When you’re ready for steady support that won’t rush you, this is where restoration begins to move forward, one steady step at a time.

You don’t have to figure it all out; just choose the kind of support that feels right to begin with for you.

No pressure. No rush. Just support that meets you where you are. You’re in control of what comes next.