How you communicate with a narcissist is different than when communicating with someone who is not a narcissist. Some of the standard parts of communicating must be altered to have more effective conversations. The best communication with a narcissist is no communication but if you must do it consider the options below to help you communicate with a narcissist helpfully.
Be Direct
Narcissists are focused on themselves and their best interests. Be direct and clear when communicating with a narcissist. Share just the facts. Do not share additional points of information that are not relevant to what is being discussed. Be careful about using many “I” statements as it can upset the narcissist. In healthy communication with healthy people using “I” statements is appropriate and effective communication.
Set Firm Boundaries
It is common for narcissists to try to dominate or manipulate conversations. Sometimes you will find that they start to overtalk you interrupt you or speak louder than you to control the conversation. Because narcissists are self focus they tend to disregard the needs of others. Setting clear and firm boundaries will help you protect yourself from narcissistic manipulations.
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GET THE DOWNLOADSAvoid Emotional Reactions
Many narcissists struggle with processing emotions. This means you and their emotions may not be misunderstood. Some narcissists thrive on emotional reactions. Whenever you communicate with a narcissist it is important to remain calm. Take a break if you find yourself getting emotional. In general conversation, expressions of emotions are healthy and acceptable. When you are dealing with a narcissist it is not helpful to express your emotions. This information can and will be used against you. The narcissist may use it for additional manipulation emotional blackmail and additional ways that are not supportive of you.
Focus on Solutions
Because narcissists are highly insecure and strongly avoid shame or accountability it is helpful to focus on solutions when interacting with them. The narcissist may perceive your feedback as criticism and judgment even if that is not your intention. Instead of getting manipulated into pointless points of conversation focus on sharing direct information and coming to solutions.
Below are two additional ways to communicate with a narcissist.
When communicating with a narcissist consider the D.E.E.P technique created by Dr . Ramani Durvasula.
Don’t Defend
Do not defend your truth and perspective. Do not spend your efforts trying to convince someone who does not want to understand you.
Don’t Engage
Do not engage in narcissist manipulation. Be brief when sharing information and state facts.
Don’t Explain
Do not explain yourself to the narcissist. Protect your peace by not going into heavy discussions with someone who does not have the willingness to see a world outside of them.
Don’t Personalize
Do not personalize the narcissist behaviors. The narcissist’s responses, and behaviors, are all about them. Since it is their issue leave it with them.
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When communicating with a narcissist consider using the B.I.F.F. technique created by Bill Eddy, LCSW, ESQ.
Be Brief
Keep your communication brief. It is helpful to not share additional information and emotional details. This information can be used against you.
Be Informative
Focus on the facts. Reframe from giving advice and do not verbally attack the person while sharing the information.
Be Friendly
Use a friendly tone when communicating. Be aware many narcissists are sensitive to tone. The narcissist may consider your tone which was meant to be friendly as patronizing.
Be Firm
Be clear and confident in your communication. If choices or decisions need to be made provide two options, you feel comfortable with and present them to the person.
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