How to Survive Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma is one of the hardest parts of healing from narcissistic abuse.  At times, you may have felt defeated, overwhelmed, anxious, angry, alone, isolated, and completely confused. All of this is a part of the grief process. There are many difficult parts of processing the experience of healing from narcissistic abuse. Learning how to survive betrayal trauma is one of the hardest. If you are not careful, it can demolish your confidence and make you question your faith. With many brave and bold steps, you can heal from the difficulties of betrayal. This post will guide you through some foundational pieces for surviving betrayal trauma.

That was how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.

-Amy Tan

Acknowledge the Betrayal

First, you must recognize you have been betrayed. The unhealthy relationship patterns and trauma bond with the narcissist have impacted you. It is hard for many survivors of narcissistic abuse to come to terms with the fact that they have been abused. Accepting that you have been betrayed by someone you trusted is also painful. As painful as it is, acknowledging the truth of what you experienced is vital. The deep sadness you feel from being betrayed is hard. As you take time to process your grief and emotions, you can begin to heal.

Seek Support

Many survivors of betrayal trauma and narcissistic abuse tend to isolate themselves. Reach out for support. One of the most important parts of surviving betrayal trauma is not doing it alone. Connect with trusted people. Choose people with who you feel you can be open and vulnerable about your experiences. You do not have to share every detail. Only share what you feel comfortable discussing. Your support system may have family, friends, pastors, and online support group members.

Be careful about adding people who are a part of the narcissist’s family or friend group to your support system, as they may not be true allies.

You don’t have to figure everything out right now, just choose what feels right to begin.

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Go to Counseling

In addition to your support system, bring in professional reinforcements. Go to counseling. Choose a counselor who specializes in areas such as narcissistic abuse, trauma, and betrayal trauma. Having someone to help you through the shock, depression, bargaining, anger, shame, and hurt is very important. In counseling, you will learn coping skills and strategies to help process the betrayal. Being validated in both your personal and professional support systems will help you to process the betrayal trauma more effectively.

Practice Self-Care

Taking the time to process the betrayal will take a toll on you in many ways. You can expect to experience mental, emotional, and physical changes. Practicing self-care is a crucial part of surviving betrayal trauma. Engage in activities that make you feel safe. Prioritize your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. A vital part of self-care is practicing self-compassion. Consider adding self-care activities such as meditations, prayer, uplifting playlists, and going for walks to help you. Self-care activities help you reduce stress and anxiety. Practicing self-care activities also provides helpful ways to ground yourself in a time when life feels completely out of control.

Set Boundaries

You need to prioritize your needs on every level. To survive betrayal trauma, you must respect your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Setting firm boundaries is vital for healthy living. If you must remain in contact with the person who betrayed you, you must establish firm boundaries. Examples of firm boundaries to help you survive betrayal trauma are setting limits on communication and having one method of communication instead of full access to you. You can also choose to go low contact. If you can completely remove the person from your life. Cut off contact with the betrayer. Go no contact.

Rebuild Trust

Low confidence and self-doubt are common when you have experienced betrayal trauma. It is hard to trust other people and yourself. Start by taking small steps to practice trusting yourself again. Spend time exploring and using your strengths. Consider what you are gaining instead of focusing on what you have lost. Create healthy habits to support your recovery. Practice being honest with yourself. To survive betrayal trauma, you must respect your feelings and live in your truth. Validate yourself. You might struggle with these different areas at times. Be patient with yourself as you continue to heal. You are working to undo the abuse and trauma you have experienced.

Focus on Your Future

Lastly, it is important to focus on your future. Pay attention to the life you want to create for yourself. Create goals and go after your passions. Surround yourself with motivational influences. Do everything you can to support your healing. Actively work to push past the trauma and onto a healthier and peaceful life.

When you’re ready for steady support that won’t rush you, this is where restoration begins to move forward, one steady step at a time.

You don’t have to figure it all out; just choose the kind of support that feels right to begin with for you.

No pressure. No rush. Just support that meets you where you are. You’re in control of what comes next.